You know that feeling of alarm that has a dash of excitement and then a pinch of "I don't think I can do this?" It's the feeling of being overwhelmed. That's the feeling that I'm blaming on a not-so-great week. The sad thing is, there was nothing to really overwhelm me at site, it's all in my head.
What started this feeling of anxiety was looking at friend's pictures on Facebook. My degree was Elementary Education, so I know people who were excitedly decorating and making strategies for what would be the best ways to set up their classrooms for the new school year. These pictures, in all their amazing beauty, left me breathless; literally, on the verge of hyperventilating. THERE'S SO MUCH STUFF!! Laminated posters, die-cut shapes, computer printed signs, cute bulletin boards decorated with ants that have titles like "Anticipating a Great Year," window decals, textbooks, classroom libraries, white boards, smart boards (I didn't even know what that was... I had to read the caption), fluorescent lights, computer projectors, classroom computers, pocket charts, that giant yellow manipulative clock, and I'm pretty sure I could feel the aircon through the picture; all the things that have come to be expected in an American classroom. You know what made me feel the most uneasy when looking at these pictures? The empty space. The classroom was so big you, as an adult, you could lay down and make a snow angel on the floor and not touch a single piece of furniture or another person. There was room to be an individual, a separate person from the mass.
Um, yeah, that's not what I've worked with for the last 2 years. (This is when the overwhelming feeling really kicked in.) I hope I can keep up. I hope I can take advantage of all the technology. I hope I remember to think of using an overhead projector instead of just a sheet of manila paper. I hope I can be best friends with the tech support guy at whatever school I end up working at. I hope I don't disappoint/make a complete fool of my students, the parents of my students, the principal, my co-teachers, or myself.
I hope I don't ever forget that you don't need stuff to be a good teacher.
Haha, and you know the best part of all this overhwelming business? I don't even have the job to worry about yet! Yep, it's all in my head.